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Monday, July 29, 2019

Blindspots

What a ‘khaiatus’ it has been. Didn’t think I’d ever end up valuing a platform like this as much as I used to, especially since I got so busy with student council, studies and all the social shenanigans (and later on lack thereof) from uni’s year 1-2 onwards. But... I know it’s pretty much a shitty excuse. The reality is.. I’ve been very much ashamed and disappointed in myself and how much my outlook has deteriorated from what I think used to be the most desirable mentality to possess while going through life day by day. Seems like the moment you think you fully understand how to go about leading your life, that’s when curveballs fuck you up in every possible way it can. The moment you think you’re good at what you’re doing and that you’re always right, you’re fucked. I once suggested that the omnipotence of negative forces will always lurk around the corner. Why did I not expect it to overwhelm me ever again? The old me would’ve clearly given me shit if he knew what I’d eventually become. But it is what it is.

It really has been a sin to stop practising what I’ve been preaching to myself (and even others wtf) all those years back. Self-proclaimed life lessons that’s been compiled throughout my journey in managing fucked up expectations and outcomes throughout my adolescence. All pushed aside, just like that. Ignored, left behind to collect dust. That said, the belief that there is serendipity in retrospect may never be truer than now. See, I really really told me so.

I for one, have never felt so much like a prodigal son, having squandered away whatever I felt I would be having for life, forgetting that the idea of limitations and scarcity will exist no matter what. Things do run dry, goods will depreciate, if not fully diminish. So here’s to going back to the old drawing board, the haven in which I sought refuge constantly in the past. Time to resuscitate these dead and dormant braincells and fully utilise them. Always good to know there’s still a place where my return isn’t scorned but instead welcomed with open arms. A place where all I need is a rational mind. And myself.

Time to start clawing my way back to where I’ve always ought to be. Simply because it is imperative to hook onto and ride the waves of ‘resilience’ now, more than ever. To be fair, I’ve already gotten a good start. Since it’s hit me that I used to grow up thinking that I am and will always be the best version of myself whenever I have nothing to lose. Has it not been how I’ve continuously been going through life up till this recent phase? With absolutely nothing served on a silver platter? Lifelines are a burden. You don’t need lifebuoys if you know how to swim. Dependence essentially crippled, if not murdered me. And right now, there’s no longer anything important to lose. So fuck blindspots, iz time to say hello to this bout of back-to-back revelations with open arms. \(._.)/

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Monday, July 29, 2019

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Monday, July 29, 2019 Blindspots What a ‘khaiatus’ it has been. Didn’t think I’d ever end up valuing a platform like this as much as I used to, especially since I got so busy with student council, studies and all the social shenanigans (and later on lack thereof) from uni’s year 1-2 onwards. But... I know it’s pretty much a shitty excuse. The reality is.. I’ve been very much ashamed and disappointed in myself and how much my outlook has deteriorated from what I think used to be the most desirable mentality to possess while going through life day by day. Seems like the moment you think you fully understand how to go about leading your life, that’s when curveballs fuck you up in every possible way it can. The moment you think you’re good at what you’re doing and that you’re always right, you’re fucked. I once suggested that the omnipotence of negative forces will always lurk around the corner. Why did I not expect it to overwhelm me ever again? The old me would’ve clearly given me shit if he knew what I’d eventually become. But it is what it is. It really has been a sin to stop practising what I’ve been preaching to myself (and even others wtf) all those years back. Self-proclaimed life lessons that’s been compiled throughout my journey in managing fucked up expectations and outcomes throughout my adolescence. All pushed aside, just like that. Ignored, left behind to collect dust. That said, the belief that there is serendipity in retrospect may never be truer than now. See, I really really told me so. I for one, have never felt so much like a prodigal son, having squandered away whatever I felt I would be having for life, forgetting that the idea of limitations and scarcity will exist no matter what. Things do run dry, goods will depreciate, if not fully diminish. So here’s to going back to the old drawing board, the haven in which I sought refuge constantly in the past. Time to resuscitate these dead and dormant braincells and fully utilise them. Always good to know there’s still a place where my return isn’t scorned but instead welcomed with open arms. A place where all I need is a rational mind. And myself. Time to start clawing my way back to where I’ve always ought to be. Simply because it is imperative to hook onto and ride the waves of ‘resilience’ now, more than ever. To be fair, I’ve already gotten a good start. Since it’s hit me that I used to grow up thinking that I am and will always be the best version of myself whenever I have nothing to lose. Has it not been how I’ve continuously been going through life up till this recent phase? With absolutely nothing served on a silver platter? Lifelines are a burden. You don’t need lifebuoys if you know how to swim. Dependence essentially crippled, if not murdered me. And right now, there’s no longer anything important to lose. So fuck blindspots, iz time to say hello to this bout of back-to-back revelations with open arms. \(._.)/
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