| Procrastination Destination |
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profileKhai Rul ![]() Create Your Badge | |||
Tuesday, August 28, 2012Stumble, only but upon.Here's one (I found on the floor when I lost my grip).
When we experience a hint of luxury more often than not we will make a bid for sustenance. But once we fail, we start yearning instead, for sustenance. We've sustained the want/need to sustain, not the ability to, sustain. And then the option of giving up what we could live without pops, only but up. We learn to yield. We have at times, wrongfully, yet inevitably, sustained yielding.
Reality slaps hard, in the face. And yet we can, but only, sustain yielding. Saturday, August 25, 2012Paint full summary.Summary is crucial, isn't it? (Pardon my long posts.) It's where you fucking reflect. It's where you squeeze the whole sequence of all things that're currently all jumbled up, right smack into one tight mind-map, in an order as chronological as possible. Then naturally as you reflect, feelings start to appear in a fugue of optimism (towards what you foresee in the future) and pessimism (towards the potentiality of failure, reappearing never-endingly in your life despite the better preparations, realistic expectations even.). Mistakes fucking happen. And when you summarise mistakes, it is usually, overwhelming. So then I guess, feeling overwhelmed is the climax in this orchestra. I remember talking about the comparison conspiracy - incredible (not credible) self-theory I proclaimed I came up with - some time ago. Where whenever you feel like you've lost the world, just compare yourself to others that have probably lost two worlds, and just as they managed to regain one of them back, in the process, just lost another three ( I exaggerate but I hope you get the point.). Thing is, no matter how shit you feel, there will always be someone who has the entitlement to feel worse than you. And for the sake of being considerate/sensitive, you DO NOT show blatantly that you feel worse than a person who is obviously doing worse off than you. It is not impossible to suffer in silence. And I'm not saying I've conquered the world, but I've done it most of my life (suffer in silence), and I don't feel like it's a superficial front/facade I'm putting on when I smile and laugh and give a fuck about life. It is genuine happiness whenever I am around friends. I forget problems. I fucking move on. (Or show that I am trying to.) Not indulge in pain and make it seem like I'm stuck forfuckingeversoohGodpleasehelpmeI'mstucktotheground.. And oh. One day, when you finally move on. Please control your happiness. Once again, be considerate to the people who are still genuinely trying to feel better and have been overtaken by your sudden ability to regain puzzle pieces to your jigsaw. Maybe up till today, 'humility' still isn't a characteristic others get easily turned on by, but imo, what I know is, showboating/boasting happiness is just, simply, disgusting after awhile. So stop. And if by now, you still insist that I blogged this out because I'm just a jealous fuck desperate for your/other's happiness then well, my friend, you're missing out on the whole point here. Wake the fuck up. Soccer later. Therapy. Monday, August 13, 2012Serendipity in retrospect.Who would've thought that the person who'd cheer me up a little this afternoon would be.. myself? Yes. But only this time it's myself in retrospect. Was browsin' through fb out of boredom and saw a wall post from a friend, whom I gave advice to when she was feeling like life is shit. She actually posted what I typed to her.. And wtf, now that I'm feeling more dull than excited, reading my own advice just kinda made me feel a little better. What sorcery. Serendipity in retrospect, indeed. \m/ "You know, that in the midst of all these feeling-pissed-off-with-life and all, you ought to take a step away, look through how things eventually ended up like that and try to undo it. If it can't be undone, then you know that ultimately, there's only one thing to do. And that's to make do with whatever you've got and make sure it doesn't get worse. You might prolly think ,"But I've got nothing.", then that's where you're wrong because if I ask you now.. "Is there anything else that could make your life worse?" You know that the answer to that will always be yes. So now you know you have something. Don't you dare lose it." The future me, when stumbling upon this post again, will be hungry for more. But I shall now claim that he shan't dwell in retrospect for too long. It kills. Thursday, August 9, 2012Wait, weight, whatever.Someone get me out of this. Friday, August 3, 2012Miserable at best.These words were never easier for me to say, or her, to second guess. And I guess, that I can live without you but, without you, I'd be miserable at best. |
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