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Khai Rul
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Thursday, April 16, 2015
Pursuit from happiness.People talk about lowering expectations, in order to prevent suffering from a huge disappointment later on. I hear this every now and then from the people around me. Yet I hardly see them 'suffer' from the 'side effects' of having such a mindset.
What the fuck do I mean..??
I'm talking about lowering expectations on all, real, aspects in life instead of just lowering it to prevent sadness or disappointment. While drawing out a mind map to help me remember how to prevent, if not control and regulate a sudden bout of negative feelings, the SOPs I've conjured up have inevitably diffused through its extremely thin-layered bubble and onto the rest of the categories.
My feelings end up being incredibly short-lived. I'd laugh at a joke and get over it. If it's good enough I'd use its context, personalize it and then share it in my notorious monotonous voice. (Apparently the skill of sharing a joke happily and with much expression is still pretty incomprehensible to me) It's getting tougher and tougher to satisfy a prolonged happiness in me. I am constantly appeased with whatever goes on around me.
People tend to assume immediately, when they read what I've written above, that I seem like a sad person. I am not, because the value of grief is very minute to me. The next rational thing to do would be to put aside sadness and do something about it. The thought of being able to spring myself up from concrete rubble overwhelms true sadness. Neither am I truly happy, because I'd soon realize life will still have its negative forces constantly reigning down upon me as I try to scrape through this life, decade by decade. The thought of that overwhelms true happiness. (Of course, this applies only to me, some people struggle way more, and some, way less.)
"Sounds like a really mundane way of leading life Khai."
Maybe it is to you, because you've wrongfully portrayed me as a really dull person. Surprisingly my life is eventful enough to my liking. I've just stopped dwelling in the realm of extreme, fluctuated feelings. I know they're there, but why travel so far up and down the y-axis when in all honestly, you already know what's there, and we're all headed towards the end of the x-axis?
Perhaps..... I'm still waiting for the right time i.e. when negative forces lose its omnipotence against me. But in the meantime, "I would have to say that if I were to find bliss in this world, it would be in my own mind. My imagination is the source of any and all happiness I may ever hope to actualize, simply because its capacity is infinite. In my mind, I can achieve anything and everything; pontificate my ideas, compose arbitrary melodies, write novels that will never be published. My Kingdom of Imagination is a vast haven, a refuge, and when the external world fails me (as it recurrently does), a necessary retreat."
(I apologize for the cheesy aforementioned, feelings vs life-timeline graph analogy on behalf of Econs and Math.)
Which reminds me.................
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